Why You Can’t Stop People Pleasing (even though you tired)
How many times have you told yourself: “Next time I’ll say no…” “I’ll put myself first…” “I won’t overextend again…”
And yet — when the moment comes — you’re right back in the same pattern. Saying yes when you mean no. Taking care of other people before yourself. Silencing your needs to keep the peace.
Even though you know deep down it is hurting you. Even though you’re exhausted. Even though you’ve read all the self-help books.
Here’s the truth most people never tell you:
You’re not people-pleasing because you’re weak or there is something wrong with you. You’re people-pleasing because your nervous system still believes it’s how you stay safe.
And that’s not a mindset problem. It’s a body-held pattern.
Where People-Pleasing Actually Comes From (the part no one talks about)
It's your childhood survival mechanism and programming.
When there was an experience that you had to self sacrifice yourself (get love to be perfect, parents couldn't handle your feelings, your needs were shut down) your body made adaptations: to protect yourself.
It was in freeze and flight mode and your nervous system was hijacked.
You never got to fully feel these original motions because it wasn't safe to do so.
So the pattern stayed.
And it’s still running today as a flight-freeze-flight reaction...not a choice.
Every time you start to set a boundary, your body reacts with tension (tight chest, pit in stomach, knot in the throat)
This is your nervous system saying: “Speaking up wasn’t safe then and we’re not doing this now.”
Or your nervous system is so jacked up that when you do speak up it doesn't seem to land powerfully enough.
Or you don't know when to leave the relationship. You keep staying because it feels safer even though it is hurting you.
So you override your needs to avoid the bodily discomfort — not the situation.
This is why years go by… and nothing changes.
What Unprocessed People-Pleasing Does to You Over Time
Just like unprocessed trauma causes long-term stress responses, unprocessed childhood conditioning creates long-term people-pleasing reactions:
Physically like chronic stress, exhaustion, tightness in body, headaches and insomnia.
Emotionally like losing touch with your feelings, jumpy, resentful, numb and disconnected to yourself.
Mentally like over analyzing situations, feeling insecure, and doubtful.
Your subconscious stays hypervigilant, scanning for anyone who might be disappointed, upset, or pulling away.
Your brain gathers a “body of proof” showing you that staying small is safer than being yourself.
This is why it continues because you are not healing the root of the problem.
It cannot be solved via the mind (mindset therapy or coaching). It has to be solved via the body first.
How We Actually Release People-Pleasing at the Source
We go back to the unresolved emotional moments that taught you to stay small — not to relive them, but to complete the stress cycle your body never got to finish.
Each moment has its own stored physical sensations, emotions, and beliefs.
I guide you to gently access these imprints, locate where they live in your body, and somatically release the stored energy — the tension, the fear, the guilt, the pressure.
When enough of these early imprints are released…
The entire people-pleasing pattern collapses.
It becomes effortless to:
✨ Say no ✨ Hold boundaries ✨ Stop over-giving ✨ Stop managing everyone’s emotions ✨ Choose yourself without guilt ✨ Speak from truth powerfully instead of fear
You are living life on your terms, not others.
This Is the Deep Somatic Work I Do With Women
Many of my clients have spent 10, 20, even 40 years trying to end people-pleasing on their own so they can stop the pattern of being in emotionally draining relationships.
They’re smart. They’re self-aware. They’ve done the work.
But their body was still holding a pattern from childhood.
Once we release it… their entire relationship with themselves shifts. They stop abandoning themselves. They feel grounded, clear, connected. They finally feel like themselves again.
If you’re reading this and feeling some truth of it in your body… If you’re tired of trying to “fix” people-pleasing from the surface… And you’re ready to finally shift it at the root — I have several ways to support you.
I offer single somatic clearing sessions starting at $200 and for deeper transformation, a 12-week VIP program at $3000.
This VIP container is where we do the deep work: ✨ releasing lifelong patterns ✨ healing the inner child ✨ reconnecting you to your intuition and emotions ✨ and creating a grounded, aligned plan to bring your heart’s desires to life
If you’re ready to explore which path is right for you book a free 30-minute consultation here.
Closing Reflection
People-pleasing isn’t weakness. It was strength in disguise—the clever way your younger self learned to survive. But survival is not the same as living.
You don’t have to keep abandoning yourself to keep others happy.
Your life is allowed to be yours and you can live life on your terms.
Sending you much love
Kim Quick
www.kimquickcoaching.com
Transformational Life and Relationship Coach
